You might have noticed that there was a bit of a lull in my writing. It turns out that while I thought it would be a great idea to start writing with a brand new school year, the beginning of school can be fairly arduous for teachers. One would think I would remember this given that it was my seventh year to start teaching, but apparently I’m a slow learner. You would also notice that I’m starting to write again about the same time – the beginning of a new school year. Well, I don’t have the slowest learning curve in the world – close, but not quite. Here’s why.

So like I said, about a year ago I started school again. It’s busy. Very tiring. It took me back a little bit with the writing. And then I got pregnant. Talk about taking a step back. With #1 I was only tired and agitated. With #2 I was tired, agitated, sick and had a toddler in tow. And then after twenty-four shots in the tuchus to prevent pre-term labor, ten weeks of non-stop contractions and semi-bed rest, and 4 hours of labor (that’s right, it was quick, ten weeks and four hours quick) there was another child. And then there were sleepless nights and toddler-filled days.

I’ve just started to figure out life again and am lucky enough to take some extended maternity leave so I’m not starting school in September but November. Therefore, I can now work on writing again. And with that, here are a few of the thoughts I’ve had during the past few months.

1. No two pregnancies are the same, which sucks if you had an easy first pregnancy. Ultimately this means that you should never get comfortable with what you think you know about motherhood. You know nothing. You just survive.
2. Shots are horrible. Shots in the rear are really horrible. Shots in the rear every week for twenty weeks is torture. This only proves that you will do anything to have a healthy, full-term baby; and it’s a great way to toughen yourself up for having a toddler and baby to look after all day long. I think it’s all part of a master plan.
3. Semi-bed rest is awful. I can only assume that full bed rest is torture.
4. Teenagers really can be caring human beings. They like to make sure you are following doctor’s orders. All. The. Time. While sweet in sentiment, there is nothing quite as horrifying as the idea of energetic 17 year old boys wheeling a seven month pregnant woman around the school in an office chair. Seriously. The had to be talked down. Sweet. But horrifying.
5. You really do have more control over your bladder when pregnant than you think. If you ever think that you might have just had little loss of control, go to the hospital. Right away. It took me two pregnancies to learn from this. Please learn.
6. Even you can survive without the epidural. Turns out there is a time table on drugs. Even if you run into the hospital screaming to everyone you pass that you want the epidural, there may not be time. This mostly is due to the fact that you still don’t understand what it’s like when your water breaks (remember #5), and you try to play it cool and let your husband finish a round of golf (he got to the eighth hole), and you decide to go to the doctor’s office instead of the hospital first (just so they don’t think you’re crazy and overreacting). If you want the drugs, overreact.
7. God could have created babies to sleep through the night. Really. He could have. I think it’s another master plan. This one involves population control. It’s the only reason I can think He would purposefully inflict this sort of pain on parents.
8. Speaking of creation, men have nipples, too. I mean, I know that they call it breastfeeding, but it would be great if someone else had some skin in the game. There would be a lot less mothers thinking about stabbing their husbands in the middle of the night.
9. When a new baby comes home, the honey bee really has landed. There is nothing quite like the sting of getting used to a new person in the home – especially one as demanding as a baby. There’s also nothing quite as sweet. You know, once you get over the mind-numbing pain (ok – maybe a little dramatic). This will probably happen on that glorious night when you get three consecutive hours of sleep. The sting really makes you recalibrate what makes life sweet.