Dear Daughters,

You live in an amazing country. Really. The best country in the world. Some people say that the country is going to pot, or that we need to “take our country back”, or that they want to move to Canada. But really, we live in the best country in the world. I think part of that is because of what a real American looks like.

A real American is the man who came from a tough neighborhood but with a little support became one of the best surgeons in the world.

A real American is the woman who is setting out on her own – apart from her husband – to prove her own worth as well as millions of other women around the world.

A real American is the business man in his suit who makes deals with other men in suits.

A real American is the farmer who wakes up every morning before the sun to feed his cattle and work his fields.

A real American is the tree hugger who desperately wants to save the whales and the trees and the ice caps.

A real American is the man who has done his time for his mistakes and is desperately trying to find his way again.

A real American is the immigrant who is looking for better opportunities for her sons and daughters.

A real American is the woman faithful to her beliefs.

A real American is the soldier who fights to keep you safe and free.

A real American is the teacher who instills knowledge in each of her pupils so they can build a better life.

These are just a few of the real Americans you will find every day. And I hope that you meet them, and talk to them, and find out what unique qualities they bring to our country to make them great. It doesn’t mean you will be best friends with them or agree with them just because they are real Americans, but it does mean that they bring something to the fabric of our country.

We are in an election cycle right now. A pretty major one. And with all election cycles people start to figure out who is “more American” than the others which ultimately means they are looking for who they think has more of a right to a voice in our country than others. But daughters of mine, every American has a right to his or her own voice. Every. Single. One. There is not one American voice, but many. The beauty of America is that the leaders (or at least good leaders) have to find the collective voice of America. It is not their voice, or the left’s voice, or the right’s voice that they must find, but the collective voice. It’s pretty darn hard, if not impossible. If a leader can do that, you should vote for her.

The problem that we are having now is that people think their voice has more merit than others. This was extremely apparent this past week when one of the leaders of this great nation publicly stated that, loosely put, you should only obey laws if they are right (here’s a transcript of the interview). The question is, right for whom?

In this particular instance, a real American woman is a government official and does not want to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples because it is, according to her, against her religion. Earlier this summer, the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriage is a constitutional right and ordered all county clerks to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. This particular government leader is siding with her saying that the law is not right and therefore she should not have to obey it.

Unfortunately for this leader and for this woman, they are a bit misguided in their concept of what is right when it comes to our nations laws. I have no doubt that they are not misguided when it comes to how they want to live out their own faith, and they are entitled to it. In fact girls, even if I don’t agree with someone else’s beliefs or faith, I will fight for them to be able to have those beliefs. Why? Because that is America.

As your father says, let’s play this out to its logical conclusion.

As previously stated there are many voices in America. Let’s say one of those voices is Jewish and kosher and happens to oversee the FDA. Because he is kosher, he does not believe that pork is a suitable form of sustenance and therefore does not approve any pork products. He deeply believes this, and allowing people to eat an unclean food would not be pleasing to his God’s eye. However, I can name a few pork producers and many pork consumers who would be extremely upset about him infringing on their right to eat pork.

Or let’s go another route. Let’s say that a very devout Muslim man is on the city zoning commission. Daughters, you decide to team up and create your own business (the sky’s the limit – use your imagination). However,  this man denies your petition to zone the area for your business because you are female. He fundamentally believes that it is not appropriate to do business with women, especially without a male relative involved. Your dreams and business aspirations are crushed.

Is this right? From our perspective we can clearly say no, but that does not mean that these two people shouldn’t deeply hold to their convictions. (It also does not mean that all Jews and Muslims believe the same way these people do – they don’t. There are probably as many variations in these faiths as there is in Christianity. Please don’t limit these groups to just a single ideology. That’s harmful, too). It does mean, however, that we need to live in an America that allows for multiple voices to be heard and to be considered legitimate, while adhering to the constitutional rights of everyone. It’s a delicate balance.

No one is making Kim Davis (the aforementioned county clerk) take a same-sex couple to her church and force her pastor to perform a religious ceremony joining the two in holy matrimony. In fact if someone did force her to do that, we should all fight against that infringement on her and that particular church’s liberty. But as someone who is in a position that is for the people, all the people – not just the ones that believe like her – she needs to follow the law and not just the laws she thinks are “right”. It’s a slippery slope if we allow that. And if she cannot uphold her oath that she made to all of the people that elected her, then she should step down.

(As an aside, girls, you will see people say horrible things about people they do and do not know on social media. Never, ever, will I be okay with the intentionally mean things they are saying and never, ever will I be okay with you participating in similar talk. Bitter, mean-spirited comments are never the way to engage in a conversation where people think differently. You have to be above that. Listen to what others have to say. Comment respectfully. Even if you disagree. You catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar. And for the record, you absolutely do have freedom of speech, but that does not mean you are free from the consequences of your speech.)

The American Voice is a complex and complicated web. Our leaders, and daughters you too, need to be grounded in their/your own voice. You need to know what you believe and stand firm for it. You need to know what matters to the other American voices around you.  You need to allow those other voices to have merit and be heard. It can be dangerous if one voice is stronger than the others as many times in our history has shown (Salem witch trials and Joseph McCarthy to name two).

Girls, some will counter this argument saying that this country was founded with a Christian voice. That we are a Christian nation and need get back to the ideals of that faith. They will point to our pledge, money, and our founding fathers to back their position.

What I will tell those people is this. First, which Christian voice? Which is the right one? There are many, and without having to look back at the fight in England between Catholic and Protestant and the upheavals that caused, growing up in a Christian house you know that there will always be conflicting views within the Christian church as to what is considered truth. Just like there is not a unified Jewish or Muslim or Atheist voice, there is not a unified Christian voice. Which one will you pick?

As for the pledge, money, and Constitution, there are other Arguments. The pledge didn’t include “under God” until 1954 when it was added as a response to Communism. Our monies did not originally have the phrase “In God We Trust” on them until 1864 and not all at once. It was a gradual change, and at least when Eisenhower signed the bill to add the saying in 1957, it seems like even he had reservations about it. As for the founding fathers, it would take a long time to go into what people believe about each of their faiths, but one thing is clear: They wanted a separation of church and state. Fairly recent history for the founding fathers showed that nothing good happened when you mixed religion and government (for either side) and they wanted them to be separate and not influence each other.

Daughters of mine, you need to follow the law, and if you don’t, you need to be willing to accept the consequences. You can and should fight for what is right. You can and should have strong belief systems. You can and should live by a set of morals that might not agree with others. But you need to remember that in this country “what is right” is and can be different for everyone. That is part of what makes us great. That is why we have laws – so there is a collective “right” for US citizens. You need to find a way to live in this country that embraces the differences in all of the voices without losing your own individual voice. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. That, I will fight for. That, I hope you will fight for. It’s what real Americans fight for.

Love always,

Just one of millions of real Americans