This is not about blood. Well, maybe it is.

Recently I lost out on an opportunity because I was considered too “type A”. Number one, I was really disappointed about loosing out on the opportunity. Number two, I was frustrated to know that I was perfect for the opportunity except for my personality. A personality that typically means that I am timely, well prepared, focused, and effective. It also means that there is the possibility that I might be hard to get along with because I have strong opinions on how to get things done. It is also a term that I do not think gets applied to too many men – not because they don’t display these characteristics, but because instead we would call them leaders and go-getters.

At first I was sad. Really sad. Now I’m just mad. While I do not know for sure, it is highly doubtful that a man would ever be turned down for an opportunity because he is too “type A”. In fact, it is probably a lauded trait. (Side note – there are probably other opportunities out there that would also praise this quality in women, but there would probably be a heated discussion about her suitability.) Why is it that we are okay with men being focused and opinionated but we are not okay with those same qualities in women?

I really started to think about this because in the past few months, there has been a movement to get rid of “the other B-word”. In case you didn’t know, that is “bossy”. Women are called bossy and men are called leaders. The way we are treated and the opportunities out there are different for men and women because of the connotations between those two words (even though the definitions are the same). You would think in 2014 that would be different, but sadly it is not.

Ellen, the reason I say this is because already at not even two years old, you have been described as bossy. You do already have definite ideas of what you want and what you think people should do. You command a room that you are familiar with. People, albeit toddlers, listen to you. I love this trait about you. You may not always love this trait. You may want to eventually fade into the background when you find that people don’t always react well to a woman that has opinions. You will try to not have opinions. You will try to go with the flow, even when you know there is a better way of doing something. And it will feel wrong. You will be doing yourself a disservice.

Ellen, you need to not give in to peer pressure and try and fit into the mold of what people are okay with women being. This is going to be hard. You will probably break at some point in time. But the thing is, that you will not be working on honing the God-given skills that you have. Don’t do that to yourself. Flourish. Lead. Serve. Because really all of this drive is not about being bossy and leading people. It is much more about service and helping others achieve. You won’t get that right away, but eventually you will. Focus on why you want to accomplish something and then pave the way to serve the people you are helping. It will be hard. People will call you bossy. People might even call you worse. But you will be amazing. You have great things in store for you baby girl. I can tell already. I know because both your father and I have passed the best of us to you, and there is no escaping the Type A that flows through our veins.

An Addition: Here’s a really great article that articulates a lot of things I have experienced as well.